


Nothing stays the same

by Illusion_and_Dream



Category: Poets of the Fall
Genre: Desire, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:00:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25822519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illusion_and_Dream/pseuds/Illusion_and_Dream
Summary: Olli rested his guitar down next to his feet. He really didn’t want to have this conversation because he didn’t see a way to avoid hurting his friend.
Relationships: Marko Saaresto/Olli Tukiainen
Comments: 4
Kudos: 3





	Nothing stays the same

Olli stayed after others to practice some more. A beautiful melody was haunting him, but he couldn’t find a way to express it fully on his guitar. He heard familiar steps behind him, approaching. Marko stayed, too. 

Without saying a word, Marko hugged the guitar player around his shoulders, and rested his head against the small of Olli’s neck. He closed his eyes.

Please, don’t do that.

Do what? – Marko responded, opening his eyes and lifting his head up.

Olli paused a second or two. This was hard for him to say - Hugging me like this. It’s making me uncomfortable.

Marko slowly broke the hug and straightened his back. 

How can I make you uncomfortable, after all these years? – There was sadness in Marko’s voice which made Olli rest his guitar down next to his feet. He really didn’t want to have this conversation because he didn’t see a way to avoid hurting his friend. If only he left sooner. But they would’ve had the conversation sooner or later. So why not now? He unwillingly turned around to meet his friend’s gaze. In a moment he regretted it. How can he hurt him? Olli was tense about it for years, but how do you hurt someone you like? 

Marko… You know I think the world of you. You are one of the sweetest and most decent people I’ve ever met. I like working with you. I enjoy spending time with you. 

But?

But what?

There’s always a ‘but’ after statements like yours. 

Olli knew where Marko was getting to, but chose to ignore it. He didn’t want to go down that road. 

There’s no ‘but’. I… - Olli was surprised by how he had to swallow all of a sudden – I really like you. 

A moment of awkward silence. Olli looked guilty. Marko looked as if he was about to receive bad news and he knows it. 

Love – Marko said softly. Olli wasn’t sure if he heard it correctly, and asked Marko to repeat what he just said. 

Love. The word ‘love’, I mean. – Marko fixed his gaze to Olli’s eyes. Olli hated when Marko did that. He was clearly hurt, and Olli gets it, but what more does he want him to say? - You said how much you appreciated me, you said ‘enjoy’ and ‘like’. Why didn’t you say… love? 

This was really bold. Olli looked away. He felt as if he had to give some explanation to his feelings. Why would he do that? He quickly glanced back at Marko who never cast his eyes of Olli. Damn his stubborn looks! Sometimes Marko looked so judging. 

You ask me why I don’t use the word ‘love’? 

Yes. If I was any old friend of yours, you would’ve used that word. I heard you mention those friends from school. You always say you how love those guys. And they seem great, but you don’t really spend a lot of time with them, and you haven’t been close for the last 10 years. Why is it so hard to use that word…? Why can’t you say you – Marko took a deep breath – Why do you avoid saying you love me?

The look on Marko’s face was an unsettling mixture of resentment, hurt, anger, resolution and resignation. Olli could only imagine how much courage it took to explain things so clearly. He owed Marko an honest answer, knowing full well an honest answer would shatter Marko’s hopes.

You are right. I do avoid using the word ‘love’ when it comes to you. – And his throat was dry. He cleared it – I do love you, Marko. Honestly. I love you. But not the way you hope me to love you. 

Marko looked down, his shoulders drooping. He saw there’s a chair near, by the wall, so he went to sit on it, resting his elbows on his knees. He kept his eyes to the ground. His face was so low Olli couldn’t see it no more. Olli knew that the damage was done.

Had I ever told you I loved you, you would’ve hoped for a kind of love I can’t give you. The kind of love you need, and deserve. 

Marko was silent. Olli hated himself for hurting Marko so badly. Something glistened for a second and disappeared. Was Marko crying? Olli was torn between wanting to comfort him and fearing it might be taken the wrong way. He took an unsteady step toward him. 

Stop – Marko said and signaled raising his right hand as alert. His hands were so expressive, Olli noticed long time ago. Marko’s face was still in the shadow. – I couldn’t bear a friendly touch of comfort from you right know. – It was as if he was reading Olli’s mind. Marko’s moments of insightfulness never ceased to awe Olli. The hand went down. 

See you tomorrow, Marko. – Olli felt as if he needed to say something smart but he was emotionally drained. 

Yeah – was the reply. 

Olli picked up the guitar and went out, leaving Marko in shadows.


End file.
